I don't subscribe to W

Every month, this weird magazine that I didn't subscribe to, W shows up. It's one of those things you get free if you neglect to uncheck a box when ordering makeup on E.L.F.'s web site.



Anyway, this magazine is really racy and goes into the recycling bin before it has time to create an unfortunately awkward moment between me and Jen, or Mark and Jen, or really Jen and anyone else in the house. This month's features Bruce Willis and his new wife, Mrs. Willis. I don't remember her name. Emma? Ella? Eels? The cover, which is pretty skanky, is the most classy picture in the bunch. Let's just say that Eels Willis has no problem with nudity in a way that will make you wish for the good old days when Demi was posing naked and pregnant. And Bruce Willis is evidently out to prove that, like Demi, he too can have sex with someone young enough to be his offspring. Except that he's got photographic evidence he's willing to share. Even if you don't want it and didn't subscribe to it on purpose.

Bruce, please. Put your pants back on and don't let your wife talk you into any more age inappropriate photo shoots. Please.