I Have One Follower! Time to Start a Cult.

Oooo one person follows my blog! That's one more than I expected. Well, single fan, here's an update on my NaNoWriMo progress.

• Hurray for my synopsis, which has guided my writing not once, but twice this NaNo cycle.
  
• Boo for marginal productivity. I should have re-hit the 50% mark today.
  
• Hurray for PackRat, someone just gave me 10,000 credits for little reason!
• Boo for Packrat. Stop distracting me, AlamoFire!
  
• Hurray for always writing the same thing, the same way predictably and repeatedly! Usually a weakness, this week a strength!
  
• Boo for being predictable. Screw you all, I'll go get a tattoo. Wait, no I won't! How do you like THEM apples (Josh replies, "I like apples.")
  
• Hurray for writing about tattoos! Also, I've learned a lot about different kids of piercings you can get in your face and ears!
  

There, I ended on a positive note.

A New Savings Goal!

I just read that a nose job only costs between $3000 and $6000. All this time, I've assumed it was in the $30,000 range. So, I could totally have a normal nose that doesn't have a weird bump or angle inexplicably to the right. (It's not actually inexplicable. It comes from being slammed in the face in indoor soccer with a high velocity ball twice in the same 15 minute period. But it definitely is weird.) I'm going to go ahead and set a tentative date for surgery in the 2011 time range. I even have a plastic surgeon picked out (OK, he's the family plastic surgeon, no research there). Hurray for elective procedures!

Why Won't the Damn Sun RISE Already?

I mean, enough with the Twilight crap. I'll give Stephanie Myers mad props for selling so many books (I barely made it through the first one, skipped the second one, and made it one chapter into the third. I've never seen the movie. And it bothers me that Cedric Diggory is a vampire.)

But whatever. It is what it is. But this is, to quote Metallica, The Thing That Should Not Be.

Seriously, barf.


Here's my answer. Blade and Iris. Better than Shiny and Mopey.

Now THAT'S a Tattoo

My rule with tattoos has always been to pick a design, wait six months, then see if I still like it. Thusly, thanks to my superior attention span (=fruit fly), I remain unmarked. But I've been writing about tattoos alot this month, which has exposed me to some truly amazing designs. Human flesh as a medium is pretty intriguing to someone who traditionally works in watercolor.

That's a Whole Lot of Long Kiss Goodnight

I found this completely work-inappropriate web site (hint hint if you're at work) of clips from movies, with an entire page dedicated to The Long Kiss Goodnight, my absolute favorite non-Tarantino action movie of all time. You should visit it at once.

In the meantime, it allows me to embed audio clips. For my your amusement, here are some fun little sound bytes.

The incomparable Brian Cox, with maybe my favorite scene in the entire movie.

He's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. sound bite The Long Kiss Goodnight sound bites

OK, this one is from Pulp Fiction...but still has Samuel L Jackson in it...

Does he look like a bitch? sound bite Samuel L. Jackson sound bites

And finally, this one has absolutely nothing to do with Samuel L Jackson, Brian Cox, Pulp Fiction or The Long Kiss Goodnight. It's from MST3K, the funniest television show EVAH. I reference this quote constantly and no one ever understands what I'm talking about (by the way, J, feel free to point out to Danielle that you're not the only person who does that).

Big car sound bite Mystery Science Theatre 3000 sound bites

Despair!

I didn't mean to post twice tonight, but for my readership of five (all of whom appreciate this), the new Despair catalog came in the mail today!!! Here are some of my favorites from the new batch of product offerings.

1) Demotivational Laptop Skins! - Sure, my Mac is covered with a frightening skull from Isis, but my work laptop is a virgin space just waiting to be adorned with a classic like, "Sometimes the journey of 1,000 miles ends very, very badly."

2) "Hope may not be warranted at this point." So true. And in lithograph form, no less!

3) And the Pessimist's Mug now also comes in both beer glass and shot glass form. Although, let me take this moment to remind you that it's not really whether the glass is half empty or half full, but what's in it that counts. Realists know to ask.

Oh, The Servers You'll Crash

If Dr. Seuss was doing NaNoWriMo, that would definitely be the title of his new book. Did I mention that I borrowed Fox in Socks, possibly the hardest book to read in the entire English language (no joke, the thing is like a 32-page tongue twister) and then Josh demanded that Mark read it to him? Man, did he ever look pissed at me when he finally closed that thing. Josh asked for it again, but we returned it to the library like toxic waste to a nuclear holding facility.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that my regular widget and my backup widget are now BOTH broken due to unanticipated high demand (you'd think NaNo would have seen this coming...it happens every year). This is causing me angst because...wait for it...wait for it...I HAVE TO DO MATH!!! NO!!! (this is where Mark usually says, "Not math. Arithmetic." And I repeat, "I HAVE TO DO MATH!!! NO!!!")

Luckily, there's an app for that.

28,911 is 57.82199999999999 percent of 50,000. I totally just did that in my head. Now, let's imagine it with an ALT tag. One that looks like this.

"Turn on the heat. It doesn't work, but it makes a very annoying noise - distracts from the cold."

Song of the Weekend

I wrote some dialogue this weekend that I won't post here, but it ended with my main character quoting Starship.

Here, in honor of The Song of the Weekend, is the video for We Built This City On Rock and Roll. Turns out they're singing "Marconi" not "Tony," but whatever. Let's face it, neither lyric makes any sense.