Psychic Radio

So, I'm sitting here listening to a psychic medium (too lazy to cross the kitchen) who does regular stints on a local radio station, and am totally reminded of that time in 2006 when Marcia and I went to see the medium speak in Enfield. Different medium. Same result.

She said things like, "I'm getting a message from the other side. It's...it's for someone who has skin. Does anyone here have skin?"
"I have skin!"
"No, sir. It's not you...it's the woman next to you. Ma'am, do you have skin?"
"Why yes, I do!"
"Tell me, ma'am, did you have a father?"
"Why, that's amazing! Yes, I did have a father!"
"Your father, he's passed?"
"That's amazing! How did you know that?"
"This father of yours, did he have...arms? Something with his arms?"
"Why, yes, he had two of them! One right there on each side of his torso!"

While I believe psychics are within the realm of possibility (see Almost Real Physics), I now just as firmly believe that they aren't doing road shows in Connecticut. This belief, which is now three years old, is supported by this only slight fictionalization of what I just heard.

Radio Host - "We're with psychic medium Lady Marvelous, and we have Meghan on the line. Meghan, welcome!"
Woman - "Hi."
Psychic - "Meghan, I'm getting a strong vibe here from the other side. I have a message for your mom."
Woman - "My mom has been dead for 20 years." Wow, some psychic. How'd you miss that one?
Psychic - "A mother figure? Maybe she's an aunt?" Um.
Psychic - "I'm getting a name. It's something with an M. Meghan?"
Woman - Pauses. "Um. That's me."
Psychic - "Right. Right. Sometimes it's hard to make the connection." More coffee, please.

By the way, her $220 an hour private reading fee is not covered by Blue Cross / Blue Shield.

Get the hell out of town!

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins broke up??? Holy crap, that's like if my parents got divorced! Oh wait, my parents are divorced. OK, it's like if my siblings parents got divorced! O.M...wait for it...wait for it...(that's what she said)...G!

Oh, Bull Durham, it can't be true...you can work it out...I have faith...

BBC Book MeMe Volume 2 - The OK That's Better Edition

Back in March, I posted a horrifying list of literary classics that, according to the BBC, I should have read prior to graduating from college or something. There were 100, I read like...27. While it is my intention in 2010 to get on my ass (you just can't read standing up) and read some "literary classics" (sarcasm implied by quotes), I frankly was excited when The Other Nate provided me with this improved list of Top 100 Books (or, as I've been referring to it, Top 100 Books People Actually Might Have Some Passing Interest in Reading). I still don't want to read any Jane Austen (unless improved by the inclusion of zombies) or anything at all by the Bronte sisters (even with zombies). My count is actually LOWER on this list than on the previous MeMe, but there are more things I would consider reading. The moral of this story is that romance from any era is just NOT FOR ME.

The Big Read Top 100

see the list for yourself, live, in-person
1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien (no. I couldn't make it past the Fellowship.)
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen (no. But I will read And Zombies this year)
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman (yes. All three.)
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams (yes...but I remember next to nothing)
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling (yes. Why are these separate, but Dark Materials are counted as one book?)
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee (suprisingly, yes)
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne (does the cartoon count? Not a Pooh fan. Glutton.)
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell (yes, and I loved the Apple commercial)
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis (yes)
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë (hell to the no)
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller (hmmm...no, but maybe I will read it)
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë (Bronte = no)
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks (who?)
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier (Um, no.)
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger (yes, but I wish I hadn't)
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame (is this that thing with the frog?)
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens (I read the first page.)
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott (I tried, I really did. But failed)
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres (Nicolas Cage? No.)
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy (hahahahaha. No.)
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell (No)
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling (yes. I read it in the original English.)
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling (yes)
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling (No...YES!)
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien (yes. so boring.)
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy (no)
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot (no)
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving (no, but I own it - and intend to read it)
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck (no, but I own it and don't intend to read it)
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll (yes)
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson (I went to high school with Tracy Beaker)
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez (no)
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett (No)
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens (Wasn't he married to a supermodel)
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl (yes, and the sequel. I love Roald Dahl.)
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson (no)
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute (no)
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen (no)
39. Dune, Frank Herbert (yes. more than once.)
40. Emma, Jane Austen (no)
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery (yuck, no)
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams (no. I hate animals)
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald (no, but I bought it and intended to read it until Dad started rolling his eyes and told me how boring it is)
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas (No, but I liked the movie)
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh (no...)
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell (no, but I will)
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens (No, but I've seen the Muppet version, the George C. Scott version, and possibly something involving Captain Picard, so that should count)
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy (no)
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian (no)
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher (no)
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett (yuck, no)
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck (yes)
53. The Stand, Stephen King (yes, both versions)
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy (no)
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth (no)
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl (I just can't remember, but I probably did at some point. I read alot of Roald Dahl.)
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome (no)
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell (Maybe?? Again with the animals)
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer (no...we do own it, though)
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky (no)
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman (no)
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden (yes)
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens (no)
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough (no)
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett (no, but I would. That guy is a rip)
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton (no)
67. The Magus, John Fowles (no)
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman (my favorite book. I own two copies)
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett (no)
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding (yes)
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind (no)
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell (no)
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett (no, but I did recently see the unrelated Russian supernatural movie of the same name)
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl (yep)
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding (love this book)
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt (love this book, too. She's a literary genius.)
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins (no)
78. Ulysses, James Joyce (no, but I read the Odyssey)
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens (no, but wasn't Gillian Anderson in the movie?)
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson (no)
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl (yes)
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith (no)
83. Holes, Louis Sachar (yes)
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake (no)
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy (Blink-182. No)
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson (no)
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley (no, but I should)
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons (no, but I should because I loved the movie)
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist (no)
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac (hell to the no, no, no)
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo (no, but maybe this year)
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel (I don't like caves, bears or Darryl Hannah)
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett (again with Pratchett?)
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho (no)
95. Katherine, Anya Seton (no)
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer (no)
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez (no, no, no)
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson (no)
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot (yes. and most of the rest of the series)
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie (no, but he was in the Bridget Jones movie, and that's awesome)

Wow, That's Weird...Brittany Murphy Dead at 32

Hmm...cardiac arrest...not to disrespect the dead, but aren't heart issues a side effect of anorexia? That's really too bad. Despite her bizarre role choices in the past few years, she was a pretty good actress, and cute.

Full story at Empire

Shut It About Tiger

Why is Tiger Woods on the national news for his many affairs? Isn't there any real news to report? Why is this between Tiger, his wife, and EVERYONE IN AMERICA??? Something must have happened SOMEWHERE in the world today that trumps Tiger Woods boinking a host of hostesses. Come on, Brian Williams, didn't Lady GaGa do something wacky today?

Well, here's some news closer to home than philandering golf prodigies.

US woman of 98 accused of choking roommate aged 100
Dartmouth, MA A Massachusetts jury has charged a woman of 98 with suffocating her 100-year-old nursing home roommate after complaining of too many visitors.

Author 705

That Jen Delisle, she was at one time an accredited movie critic!! On a side note, Jen Delisle smacked up the bitch in the theater dressed as the Ghost Faced Killer who thought it would be funny to reach out and touch someone during the movie.

Rotten Tomatoes!

Worst Tattoo Ever

In the Interwebs Vernacular, Almost an Epic PHAIL of Shopping.

So, we're going to the annual employer (not mine) Xmas party next week. That's brought us such past disasters as Danielle and I dressing as matched tinsel strands. (On a related note, I ditched my date to that particular party for El Husbando, but in all fairness I did marry him in the end. My husband, I mean, not the date I ditched.) I've also worn Dana Buchman (yes, the actual Dana Buchman. That was an awkward night.), so you never know what level of class I might feel like bringing. If memory serves, these were from Rave and cost about $15. Worth every penny.

[picture deleted. if you know me well enough to ask, I'll show you the original in person.]

Okay. Out of appropriate dresses, off to the mall. First stop, Leather Jackets and Party Dresses. Hmm. Someone forgot to tell the folks at LJ&PD that it's no longer 1989. Electric blue spandex? No thanks, I learned my lesson the hard way, the first time. (But I did get the jacket Mark is giving me for Christmas. It's actually faux leather, which lends itself to me wondering why the hell it was so expensive. Are we having a polyblend shortage?).

Hmm. Hmm. That's right, H&M! Down the escalator I ride, already wondering if I should have gone with the Nine West booties instead of the Aigner heels because this is turning into a freaking hike. H&M has a cute little black dress with a ruffle on the bottom, completely inappropriate for anything other than a holiday party, and a suitably workable angora bolero sweater. But I'm not 100% sold on the dress, so I charge around the store like a rhinoceros, using my fierce Tyra face (I like to look angry at the mall), and decide to hoof it up to Banana Republic. I pass Sears. No power on Earth can make me shop for a dress there. Or anything other than appliances.

I try BR. Nice dress, even 25% off is still about 40% more than I want to pay, but I'll keep it in mind when I inevitably grow desperate. Ann Taylor Loft = no dresses. Bizarre. OK...I guess I'll try *choke* JC Penney. They have one cute dress. In a petite. Didn't I just say that I was stomping about like Tyra / a rhino in heels? So, Forever 21. Turns out I'm not 21. Nix that. Back to H&M. F it, I'll just get that bolero thing and the black ruffly dress. But no! It comes only in three sizes and none of them are close to mine.

Back to BR. I try on the expensive dress...plus three others. The dress made in Vietnam, no go. Magenta, you are still not my color. Let's try the Indonesian dress that appears to be made of shingles and / or some other sort of roofing material. Hmm. Although the tiny size makes me proud (allow me to mention that I have not eaten today, except for some coffee and a ladybug), I look like the top of my house. Next. Moving on to China, producer of dowdy velvet dresses. Now I closely resemble a rectangle. Finally, the dress I came for. I have resigned myself to paying too much, but must first try it on. And...it's too big, and doesn't come in the next size down. F**K!!!!!! I want to go home!

What's left? BonTon? No, no, no! TJ Maxx...blah. I guess. What choice do I have? So on to TJ Maxx I go. I find four dresses and (laugh Lokiec) a pair of calf boots, which are required for two of the dresses. Turns out that my calves are still non-existent, and my ankles are basically just sharpened points that I ram into the bottom of my shoes in lieu of feet. F**K!!!!! That eliminates two marginal choices. So, I narrow it down to one dress, which violates one of my primary rules - strapless. A night of tug, tug, tugging is not that fun. But...what can I do? So, now I need a bolero sweater, but I'm so NOT driving back to the mall. Food. Food. Food. I buy TWO different black drapey sweater things...who knows if I'll wear either because neither is going to go with it. Then there was a whole thing about a new curling iron...anyway. Now that you've lived my spree in near-real-time, MAYBE I'll share pictures next week. On the other hand, maybe I'll make the pictures more interesting by not shaving. Merry Christmas.

Happy Birthday to J!!

I'm sick of shopping and paying and shopping and paying already!!

That reminds me, I have to go buy a dress. And a leather jacket. From the same store, conveniently named Party Dresses and Leather Jackets. It's at the mall. Look it up.

Oh yeah, what was the point of this post again? It was to wish THE J a happy birthday. On this day in a previous century, The J was born. Given his Easter Island-esque head size, I'm sure it was a painful birth all the way around, but look how much joy he's given back to the universe in general, and his friends and family specifically. So, join me in applauding J's parents. Job well done Ruth and J's-Dad-whose-name-I-can't-remember-but-who-doesn't-read-this-blog-so-who-cares?!!

J, I was going to post your Yo! MTV Raps card to prove what a superstar you really are, but I couldn't find it. *sigh*

Edit: J provides his own humor.

In Memory of My Old Team...

True, my "old" team is not forgotten, or even really gone. I was just unceremoniously re-orged away from them. But, if we go back a little further in history, we meet my old "old" team, which is the same team as my new (or current - today, right now) team. So, really, my "old" team is merely housed in a different facility. For two weeks, when they'll be relocated back into my immediate vicinity.

So, in honor of my "old" team (they really are old, too - I was the second youngest person, and J says we're approaching middle age, the smarmy bastard), here is an entire video dedicated to our official team mascot, the Woot! Screaming Monkey.

Woot Monkeys in Space from Woot Video on Vimeo.