The Greatest Day Ever!!

Not really. But one of the Elder Stepmonsters (aka my stepson) "volunteered" to give Josh a bath so that Mark and I didn't have to. Of course, there was much coaching involved, as you might imagine. He doesn't exactly have what it takes to be a nanny. Mark turned on the water to the right temperature, and I coached #1 (in a series of 4) how to properly put on Josh's "Nakey Suit". That went swimmingly until Josh looked at #1 and said, "I'M POOPING."

Appropriately, #1 backed away in horror with his hands out in front of him. So, I did the changing thing (Josh likes to kick while I'm changing his poop, did I mention that new feature?) and handed him off to #1 for Tub Placement. When I came back from depositing Josh's deposit, the kid was still trying to scale the bath wall, because #1 didn't realize that he needs to be put in.

Next came sitting. "Is this sitting, Mommy?" No, no, NO! That's kneeling. It's kneeling on the other knee, too. Now you're standing again. Sit down or no pop. OK, sitting achieved. Now, five minutes of reticent washing activities, done from a full arm's length away. In my supervisory capacity, I at this point realized that I could have been done with this endeavor by now. And really, this was a wasted effort because #1 returns to school this weekend. Then came, "Wash your nuts. No, that's your butt. Your nuts. Your nuts. Your man parts? OK, damn it, I'll wash them." Because #1 isn't going to do it. And much giggling ensued.

Finally, Extraction. #4 was pried, dripping and slippery from the bathtub after a failed attempt to toss water. #1 carried him to the bedroom and dried him by patting him with the towel for several seconds before stepping away in horror during Diaper Replacement when Josh said, "I'M POOPING AGAIN." He wasn't. The two managed to get Josh into his pajamas and...wow, that saved me negative 17 minutes.

The moral of the story is, if you intend to strong arm someone into bathing your dirty 2-year-old, make sure it's someone pre-equipped with the knowledge and wherewithal (I've always wanted to use that word in a written sentence) to do so.